#SingleLady – Episode 5.



Its monday morning, normally I hate mondays especially if I’ve had an exciting weekend. The kind of weekend you wouldn’t want to end where there is partying, booze and more booze. That sort of weekend after which you wake up with a hang-over – throbbing pain in the head and everything just seem to piss you off the morning after. Then imagine adding lectures to that feeling. F.U.T.O is built in highly dispersed community- like setting. The lecture halls are so far apart from each other, so there’s need to adapt to the intense ‘nomadic’ way of life to meet up with all your lectures. As a lady, add hang-over to lectures plus lots of trekking under the scorching sun wearing heels. Arrrgh!!!

This particular monday morning was nothing like that. In fact, I woke up feeling elated, I could even afford to dance one of my ‘victory- dances’. I had hyper-energy- I think I could have lifted a house or car if I had wanted to that morning. As I prepared for school, I hummed the lyrics of fifteen by Taylor Swift. Deedee kept looking at me like I was going mad or something. I was in a good mood and wouldn’t let her spoil it. How often does a ‘p-dite’ – the predegree students are called that in F.U.T.O get to make an elderly lecturer in his late fifties speechless? Not so often my dear and I planned to savour every minute of it.

I took extra time applying my makeup and picking out my clothes. Deedee got tired of waiting for me and had to leave. According to her, ‘if I wait until you finished, we would get to school just in time as all the lectures are over for the day’. I could careless of what she thought, after all I knew my way around.

I dressed up, looked at the mirror to see if any last adjustment had to be made. As always, I had outdone myself. I looked like I belonged in pages of glossy magazines. I was ‘making brains’.
I stopped a bike going ‘inside school’. Deedee’s lodge is a little bit far from school. She stays in one of the neighboring villages near the school called ‘Eziobodo’. The village is like one of those under developed places that wouldn’t just improve. It had poor drainage system leading to horrible roads. When it rains there, people had to literally swim some parts before they could get to their lodges. Well, Deedee’s place wasn’t so deep into the village. The lodge was called ‘Glo’ lodge and I think for emphasis the owner painted it green.

The bike I entered was stopped at the ‘old register office’ by security men on duty saying they were instructed not to let bikes run in the premises during school hours. The old registry is barely ten minutes walk from Deedee’s place. I was so sure the bike man knew this before I entered his bike, he sensed I was probably a novice since every student knew about the law(every one but me). I looked at the bike man scornfully and asked;
‘how much?’

‘ah ah, the price no they change na. Na hundred naira’ he said.

‘you well so, or na because I ask you the price you come double am? Na thirty naira I wan even pay you because you no carry me reach where I they go’ I said

When the bike man heard this he got aggressive.

‘na me stop for you front or na u stop my bike, you go pay me my money o’ he said

‘oya no shout na, na fifty naira be the normal price and na wetin I fit pay’ I said as I stretched out my hand to pay him. He dragged the money from my hand and zoomed off raising dust as he left.

‘nope, not letting it get to me. I’ll not be upset’ I said trying to calm myself down.

I walked the remaining distance down to the C.C.E: Centre for Continuing Education building where my lectures held and lecture hall 2 was were I was supposed to take the lectures. The school park is near the building so I could hear students talking from there as I walked towards it.

It was 8:15am when I got there and the lecture hall was already full in time for the first lecture which was supposed to begin by 8:30am. The lecture hall was so occupied that students were sitting on the window ledge. There weren’t any louver blades attached to the window frame, just a big open hole in the wall representing the window.

As I started to walk into the class, I felt intense heat from having so many people crammed into the lecture hall that I turned back and stood at the door.
‘where did all this people come from? They were not all here last week’ I said

‘A new list came out during the weekend making a total of two thousand predegree students’ one random guy standing close to me said

‘really? So we are that many? how many will they admit?’ I said

The random guy replied;
I don’t know but am not bordered, my aunt works in the senate building and has promised that I’ll get in this year’

‘your own beta o’ I said

He laughed then said;
‘my name is Amos but my friends call me famous’

‘I’m Jenny… Jenny Bond I said Jokingly. He laughed harder this time and said;
‘you have a good sense of humour, Jenny. Errmm, can I have your number so we could hook up sometime?

I looked up at famous and thought to myself;
‘I wouldn’t want anybody stalking me with calls o. Well, he looks cool. Should I give him my number? Errmm, why am I even putting so much thought into this self? After all he didn’t say lets get married or something. Its just hanging out and I’m sure he means no harm.’

‘ok, give me your phone so I’ll dial my number so I can save yours’ I said

‘errmm, I don’t have airtime now. Just give me the digits and I’ll call you later’ he said

‘he is even broke gosh! Nawa o. You can’t recharge your phone, you wan carry girl comot. How do I get out of this? ‘ I said to myself while giving him a default smile.

‘why don’t you give me your number and I’ll call you?’ I said

‘haha, Jenny wants to ‘post’ me. I have heard that line from ladies and they never call. Please, Just give me your number and I’ll do the calling’ he said

‘ok whatever, 080*****.’ I said

‘I’ll call you. You would have to excuse me, I have issues to attend to.’ He said

‘ok, later na’ I said

As he left, the lecturer handling the first class came in. I had to enter the lecture hall this time irrespective of how I felt or how hot it was. I walked in and saw Caroline waving. I squeezed pass people and got to where she was sitting, she had used her bag to save a seat for me.

‘Damn girl, you are a life saver’ I said to her

‘what are friends for na’ she said

‘inconveniences obviously. I can imagine what people have been saying or doing to you just to sit here.’ I Said

We both started laughing. I went on to tell her about broke Famous and we laughed uncontrollably totally forgetting there was a lecturer in front of us.

‘You two, what’s so funny? Stand up and share with the class ‘ the lecturer said

Caroline started to reply;
‘nothing Ma, I…’

‘Ma, I asked her where she stopped in her note because I wanted to update mine with hers. She called me lazy that’s why we were laughing.’ I quickly interrupted

Caroline’s eyes widened with surprise as I said this. My poker face is perfect, you can’t tell when I’m lying. So I put up the face and the lecturer had no choice.

‘Just sit down and if you have other things you want to discuss with your friend, let it be after my lecture!’ she said as she turned to her hand-out and started dictating from it.

‘phew!, that was close. Thank goodness you are a good liar’ Caroline said. I just chuckled and started writing.


It was Wednesday evening when Caroline called;
‘I have been invited to a party this evening at ‘pioneer garden’, are you interested so we could go and check it out together?’

Pioneer garden is one of the numerous bars or hang out zones near school. Chairs and tables are arranged outside, so you stay in or out. There is a ‘suya spot’ by one side with an hausa guy preparing it while food and pepper soup are sold inside. It is a typical ‘Igbo’ hanging out zone where students and the indegenes of the neighbouring villages come to chill after the day’s work.

‘why not, I am game but you have to come pick me up. What’s the dresscode?’

‘babe, just look hot’ Caroline said

‘that one easy na’ I said

‘I they believe you na, I’ll pick you up by 8pm’ Caroline said

Caroline and I walked into the bar looking glamorously hot. While Caroline searched for the host of the party, I scanned the place for the perfect company for the evening. Not so long after, my eyes met with this very fine young man. He had the right body and I mean that seriously. He had like six or eight packs and the biceps were just the right size. I could tell by just looking at the way his polo hugged his rock solid chest.

At this point, some people had started dancing while others just sat drinking and cheering them on. I sat down at a strategic spot where I could managed to keep my eyes on my ‘Mr sexy’ and not look too obvious. After downing about three bottles of ‘smirloff ice’, my morale had skyrocketed. I got up to dance, I joined the people on the dance floor. Just so you know, my dancing skills are superb. As I put my skills to good use, Mr sexy couldn’t resist for too long and joined me.

Damn!!, his body felt so good so close to mine. His biceps made me feel safe like he could protect me – not that I needed any at this point. I tried not to do much damage to his manliness this time- wouldn’t want him asking me ‘how much because I’m not selling anything. We kept at this for awhile until I was exhausted.

I asked him if we could go sit and he nodded and followed me back to my chair.

I tried to start a conversation at least get to know the dude I’ve been ‘rocking’ for two hours.
‘my name is Jennifer’ I said
He just smiled and said nothing.

‘hmmm, Mr sexy is playing mysterious, sexy!’ I said to myself

‘this is the point you tell me your name at least courtesy demands that and I just told you mine’ I said

‘Nne, my name is John bull but my fliends callu me oga JB.’ He said with a concentrated Igbo accent.

I gawked at him, ‘oh my goodness’ was all I could say.


ff @OfficialChistar


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