Why I Want To Be Bad 27







I swear, I am tired of this pot of beans life. I think I need some serious deliverance because it is like my village people are just busy shoot spiritual arrows of problems my way.


My phone was stolen because I was attempting to be caring and then the last person I wanted to see popped up at my doorsteps unannounced then went on to kiss me, unannounced as well. Just when I thought my day could not get any better, the girl who I only just discovered I sincerely liked recently – Funmi, decided to visit me out of the blues. I am pretty sure she has never climbed above her floor since she moved into the lodge but just had to explore the building the one brief moment I wish she had not… So you see why I think my village witch have a hand in my matter?


After praying at the church the other day when Funmi came over to take me back to the hospital, my relationship life had started to take shape, surprisingly without me actually doing anything.


Mary-Anne who I was not sure if I should break up with her or choose to be faithful to only her had eliminated herself from the equation following her sexual activity with my roommate and best friend, who does that anyway?


Amaka on the other hand has been really scarce. No phone calls, no text message, the only contact we make is on Whatsapp where we do not even chat but when we both notice we are online on Whatsapp we go ahead to change our display picture every minute in an attempt to show the other that we are doing just fine without the each others company. So basically the forces of time and space had also eliminated Amaka from the equation, leaving just Funmi or so I had thought.


To tell you the gospel truth, I am sure I lost my guard for a micro second when Mary-Anne’s lips had collided mine. What I am not sure of is whether that was just a one-time mistake or if my subconscious was trying to tell me I was not ready to let go of her.


“So can you help me with the cannabis?” Funmi had to say to snap me back to reality.


I was surprised by that question, “What do you need cannabis for?” I asked.


“I want to use it to cook,” she said but then gave a face that made me know she was just being sarcastic.


Did you know that minus your regular addition of Cannabis to your meals, especially beans, you can actually ground the seed to make a porridge – gruel – or baked into cakes or bread. Hemp seed is the single most complete food on the planet and can be grown quickly almost anywhere, yet the world is allowed to starve as a result of the often total prohibition of cannabis. I am not a weed activist or trying to promote the usage of the plant so I would not go on to tell you about the conspiracy behind the issue of the legalization.


“I swear Funmi, what you saw is not what it looks like,” I said. I figured she was just using the cannabis talk as an excuse not to address the issue at hand but I was not going to let her do that. The issue must be addressed.


“Am I speaking Chinese or you did not hear what I just said? You owe me no explanation! All I want to know right now is if you have some cannabis or not?” She said plainly.


I was confused. What this girl wanted to do with the Cannabis baffled me but I was not going to ask her what she needs it for again to avoid another unnecessary sarcastic response. You know how some people just need time and space to cool down when they are pissed? decided to just give her what she wants and try to salvage the situation some other time.


“I think I should have some in the house,” I said.


“Maxwell, you now smoke?” Mary-Anne who had not said much in a while finally asked.


“Can you please leave my door post so I can attend to my guest?” I ignored her initial question, as far as I was concerned she had lost all her right to even speak to me, let alone ask me a question.


She quietly moved out of the way and at long last I got access to my house.


In reality, I actually had no hemp in my possession but I trust Henry to have, all I needed to do was just find where he kept it. This was not hard to do as he had this school bag that acted more of a decorative piece as he never wore it but hung it on the wall. I had known Henry long enough to know that he always kept his stash in the bag and one glance into the bag proved two things. One, I was right and two, Henry was probably dealing as he had so much hemp in the bag that the only other possibility was he was planning a party.


“How much do you need?” I had to go back out of the house to ask Funmi who had not move an inch closer to my house.


“Just a little would do,” she replied.


“Well, you’ll have to come closer to collect it.” I said in an attempt to draw her closer. It worked.


I package a little in a piece of paper and handed it over to her. She said her thanks and left without saying a word.


“Is that your new girlfriend?” Mary-Anne asked. She had already made herself comfortable as she sat on the bed.


Which kind of pest is this one? I thought.


“How is that any of your business?” I replied with a question.


“You like dating strange girls.”


“Well look at how perfect that’s working out for me.”


“Don’t worry about her, she’ll come around. All this one she’s doing is shakara, my sis would call it initial gra gra.”


“Yea… Whatever. I want to rest and I need no disturbance so can I please have some privacy?” She had over stayed her welcome, hec! She was not even welcomed in the first place.


“I’ll leave on one condition.”


“What’s that?”


“You would stop ignoring my calls and promise that you’ll make time so we can talk about us.”


“There is no ‘us’ anymore.”


“Then I’m not going anywhere,” she crossed her legs for effect.


I really needed to sleep and I simply could not drag her out of my house like she is garbage, even though we all agree she is. I decided I had to compromise.


“I need time and space to think,” I started to say, “don’t call me, I’ll call you.”


“Do I have your word?”


I sighed, “yea, if that would make you leave now.”


“Alright then,” she said as she stood up and walked out of the house. “I’ll be expecting your call,” she added before she locked the door behind her.


Good radiance to bad rubbish!


Now before I slept I decided to loosen my nerves. I grabbed Henry’s bag, a pack of rolling papers, a lighter and went to the balcony where a very comfortable chair awaited me.


I switched on my laptop and played one of my favourite Burna Boy jam.


How would you like, to smoke some weed? He asked passionately over the speakers.





I am a very stubborn and disobedient person, I do not like being forced to follow any rule as I love my independence and would not trade it for anything. I can be plain rude to anyone to prove this point.


As a child, my mum used to be the only person who could call me to order because the only thing I feared more than losing my independence was the double-mouthed koboko which always seemed to only appear when she wanted to use it on me. I tired several times to look for the whip so as to dispose it but all to no avail.


However, at the same time I loved my mum so much because I could always vouch that she would have my back in any wahala my big mouth might have gotten me into even though I was the guilty one.


Watching the skinny guy bolt the door after making such statement made me wish I was still a child because I knew my super mum would save me once again but that was not to be the case this time.


I was scared to the bone. If this guy decides to hurt me or even kill me there was very little I could do to stop him.


“You said Henry sent you right?” I asked, trying all my possible best to play it cool.


“Yes,” he said plainly as he looked round the house.


“We haven’t been formally introduced, I’m Amaka,” I said as I stretched a hand forward.


“They call me Skinny T,” he replied as he took my hand and held it a little longer than necessary before left it. I was so scared!


“I have Orijin in the fridge, should I get you a bottle?” I pushed on.


He was quiet for a while before he replied, “you be like correct babe, but why you dey fuck up?”


I was surprised, “fuck up? As how now.” I asked.


“Why you go send Biggie that kain message Na?” He asked.


I had to make a decision. Either to just play dumb and act like I do not know what he is talking about and sees where that leads or just play along.


“The guy no dey pick my calls and you know say school don scatter, I need to dey updated na,” I decided to play along, but frankly I had no idea what I said there.


“Na wetin you for send am be that, you no know say them no dey threaten Chief Whip?” He asked me.


I figured Chief Whip must be some very important title.


“I no too reason am, abeg no vex,” I apologised. Mum had always said that a simple apology can be the difference between life or death.


He looked at me for a brief moment and I stared at him right back in the eyes. At that moment I do not know where I got the courage but I feared  no one.


It was like a who’s going to blink first situation. Veins were bulging, I clenched my teeth so hard it hurt just to make sure I showed no fear.


He suddenly broke the stare and started walking towards my kitchen, “Na for your kitchen the beer dey?”


I was relieved. I let go of my clenched teeth.


“Check inside the fridge. The top compartment,” I said as I sat down grabbing the scissors on the table and slotting it into my back pocket.


Just in case.




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